either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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