im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
