there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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