i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
