Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just googled if crying burns calories
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
