12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
