dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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