Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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