I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
