Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
