oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
