Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
