I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
