it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
