Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
