I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
be right there i have to get my cape
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
