I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
