Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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