Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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