i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
