He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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