I think my vagina is haunted
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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