I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize