All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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