If i come over, it means nothing
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
