North Korea, Best Korea!
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
