There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
