I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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