reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
