So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
