Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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