You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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