I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
