Is it normal to miss your booty call?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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