Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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