Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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