He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
