Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
