Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
