i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
