I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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