Yo dont text me then not text me
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
