he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
