i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think a kid would responsible me up
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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