i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
