Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
