My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
