When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
