im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
