you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
