i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
