Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
