youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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