I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
