Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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