my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
