Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
