Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
