New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
