Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
