Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize