I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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