I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We talked him into tasing himself.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
