I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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