worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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