so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize