I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
