you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
