Just cropdusted the office
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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