I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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